I just want to say that it's lucky jet lag hadn't caught up with me the first time I had to use one. They were in the airport in Delhi, the first sign I was no longer in the West.
I've been averse to admitting just how completely jet lagged I am: I can't concentrate, I'm suddenly cranky-baby-tired, and can't deal with spicy food. I also haven't been ready to admit just how completely out of my element I am. While it's true that the Third Worldness of the streets and traffic might remind me of Mexico, it's also true that I have no idea what's going on and I don't have the slightest clue about how to figure it out. It's somewhat upsetting, but then I can always blame jet lag. I slept last night thanks to my friend Ativan, but being halfway round the world is dislocating in ways that sleep alone doesn't fix immediately.
So: what have I learned? That I am far from the ideal traveler; I don't just roll with uncertainty. I need to know things like where the nearest hospital is, and what doctor should I go to, (even if I have no need)and where's the grocery store, and what do I do without a mobile phone? I need to understand the map when I look at it, and where I am in relationship to other places (assuming I understand where those places are/what that means). I look at the map, and I see where we are, but it doesn't help me. Here's the wierd thing: I've never thought about doctors, hospitals, cell phones, or grocery stores when I've traveled before--this is the first time I've considered all that. It's all tied up with my sense of dislocation and the anxieties that come with it. Of course it is.
The good news is that we're here for long enough that I'll find a groove for myself, fit myself into a context. Meanwhile, I'm frayed, freaked out by staying in a flat with a fulltime guy who sleeps here and clean up after us, and by feeling so completely dependent on others to tell me where things are. I'm going to start taking pictures and posting them, just as soon as I figure out where to buy a new usb cable to connect the camera to the laptop.
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5 comments:
i so hear you. i've always felt that about overseas travel, especially to places that are non-european. it exposes my american cultural privilege and makes me uncomfortable, too. ('oh my god - i really am an oreo!')
like you, i'm not good with dislocation and each time i travel carries an aspect of dependence that makes me feel weak. i'm not used to feeling weak! no, not i! being an american means never having to be weak.
pictures! I want photos.
email me your mailing address.
I want to test how long a parcel will take to deliver
xo
ding: The weakness thing is what undoes me at the end of the day when I've got no skin. I do think part of it's being American (mustn't be weak), but also part of it is the way we think of ourselves as being capable and independent women, and part of it is the way that expresses itself in class privilege too. Like somehow everything is going to reveal itself to me because I have money. Gross, but true.
Dear Eliza,
I know exactly what you mean about the otherworldiness, but I think its so important to experience this. How many Chicanas have the opportunity? I hope you do teach English. AND, give yourself at least two weeks before you can feel okay in your own body. First things, go to a fabric store and get the best cotton you can for the money, then to the tailor, and get yourself some comfortable Kurtas.
I love you, and my hellos to your quierdo.
I agree with the famous author, anonymous. Get some light, airy fabric and salwar kameez, kurta/pajama, etc. Wear those, you'll transform into an Indian. I did. Oh yeah, don't forget the bindis.
It's interesting to hear you talking about dislocation. It made me start thinking about my immigration to the U.S. But, I was 10; you're not, and you're not going to be living their permanently. What about English speakers? are you having trouble with that? I imagine not. You might also consider taking some Hindi classes. Remember the words I taught you! Use them wisely!
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